News from the Basement
Special Notice:
Team TED has joined the players strike and will not have regular games until further notice... check back regularly for info. TED will emerge from the shadows of hibernation and re-emerged bigger and better than ever.

February, 17 2006 at The Royal Albert Arms
48 Albert St., Winnipeg,
Cost: $4.99

LANCE'S 25TH ANNIVERSARY OF HIS FIRST SHOW EVER!! Celebrate the fun with: DAIKON, Ted, Ramirez, and introducing: RAIDEN (old school punk rawking nu jacks!) BE THERE OR BE DAMNED.

Come celebrate 25 years of Lance playing in shitty bars.

Zoo Years Eve was a Blast
 TED was hot, punching out lick after lick of some of the catchiest riffs rockin' in this town. The band steamrolled through their playlist with versons of TED'S GOT THE PUCK, EAT OUT, & a rendition of TEAR OFF THE MEAT that would've turned even Pamela Lee Anderson into a carnivore. Three cheers for Kuba; one for the heavy duty job of pro-creating, two for 'gimmee some more' bass lines, and three for volunteering recovery services to Norm (The Ruffnecks) who ended up laying out in the sound equipment. This review brought to you by TedMart, home of your girlfriend's dirty panties.

Sunday December 11, 2005
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and all those who do not fit into any of those categories….TEAM TED is proud to announce, the latest, wildest, soon to be highly praised and loved, newest member…..with speed demon fingers and rhythm that will take your socks off…..********drum roll please******* air guitar master….. HEY WAIT A MINTUTE! That’s our F&%kin’ drummer!
Well, that pretty much sums up Team Ted’s show on December 10th at the Zoo. For more thrills, shrills, spills (geez, that beer costs money you know!) chills, and just all out punk rock, be sure to join us for New Year’s at the Zoo.

Friday October 14, 2005
Someone apparently stole the sound system from the Zoo……
but did we care?
Well….of course we did…..did that stop us? F**K NO!

From deep within the feed-back emerged TED.
TED rocked at BOOZEFEST 9 Friday night, and booze-festing it was, with 1 drummer falling on the floor,
1 wasted bass player out-of-the-closet Vince Neil wannabe, 1 guitar player kickin’ it Hendrix style (by the way kids, all the pieces on a drum kit don’t have to be disassembled to pack it up), and 1 guy named Ted ripping up the stage. A good time was had by all.
Thanks for coming out, see ya all again next time.

Just a tip, if you want a T-shirt…..you need to bring your allowance or cash in your empties, we can’t buy beers with IOU’s…..we tried already!

4P Festival - Jamboree
Labour Day Weekend
Friday September 2, 2005
TED will be performing at the 4-P Festival - Paper, Power, Pea, Pickerel
Featuring:
• Jamboree - Entertainment under the tent
• Pine Falls Ol' Kings Western Days
• Market Square - Vendors from across Manitoba
• Parade - Sunday @ Noon
• Kids Day - Inflatable Fair, Petting Zoo, Games, Sand Castle...
• Horse Shoe Tourney
• Slo-Pitch Tourament
• Fireworks
• Pancake Breakfast

Come Join the Fun!
For more info call 367-9468

Saturday June 18, 2005
Mung, Hearsemen, and Tony Clifton are joining TED in an effort to help save our furry friends (No, no, not THOSE furry friends.....) TED is pleased to be a part of the 2005 PUNK 4 PETS benefit show with all proceeds to the Winnipeg Humane Society. All ages, and sexes, and critters welcome. TED will be taking monetary and food donations at the show which takes place Saturday June 18, 2005 from 12pm to 5pm at the corner of Stradbrook and Osborne (yep, in the Village) under the Bell. Lucky us, we have sponsors! Special thanks to Osborne Village Biz and Long & McQuade Musical Instruments.

Show your faces!

Friday May 6, 2005

When the smoke and debris finally cleared, and all the minor injuries caused from the falling ceiling were tallied….all due to TED’s performance at the Search for RA NRG Battle of the Bands Friday May 6th, 2005 of course…. the boys looked around and realized that The Morning After had won the scrum and ran off with the cup.

One team member was yelling while rubbing dust from his eyes, “Someone call a penalty!”

Team TED is not ready to retire yet….they will begin again to save up their change for beer money…..a great band like this cannot practice without it…..and will be reappearing in the near future. They WILL be victorious, it’s all part of the plot to be leader of the world…..We all know that “TED’S GOT THE CUP”.

Friday April 8, 2005
Is it socially acceptable to brag excessively? Maybe first we will start off with thanking all our fans who support us without bribery (well, mostly) as well as the deserving support (hey, we think so!) received from Cretin Rob (Cretin Radio, UMFM) and Jeff Monk (Electrophonic Tonic, CKUW). Now to bragging…..for those who didn’t know it yet, WE ROCKED THE PYRAMID once again at the semi-finals for RA NRG’s Battle of the Bands. Fair warning, be sure to bring your hard hats to the finals (as we are not responsible for fan injuries, heck we aren’t even responsible for our own injuries!) on May 6th because we are going to be (it’s a guarantee) bringing the roof down! By the way, did we mention……TED’S GOT THE CUP!

Don’t forget to tune in to Electrophonic Tonic Mondays from 8-10pm and UMFM's Cretin Radio Fridays from 9-11am for potential TED giveaways!

Tuesday March 15, 2005
Who is TED? TED is it! One of the 12th wonders of the world......or at least one of the 12 finalists in RA NRG's Battle of the Bands. That's right, TED has advanced to Round 4 and has been informed that they will be recording at least 1 song for their die hard (or just drunk) fans. Tip of the day from Ted...."PRACTICE!". Well kids, with practice, you too can play with TED. By the way, we really hope we didn't forget to mention, "TED'S GOT THE CUP!"

Friday February 18, 2005
TED is in the running for leader of the free world! A packed house of 12, including the band, witnessed the antics of our soon-to-be legends in RA NRG's Round 2 of Battle of the Bands as they once again demolished unlimited beers, oh ya, and advanced to the next round. Bring it on Mother F**kers! By the way, did we mention, "TED'S GOT THE CUP!"

Saturday February 5, 2005
TED has rocked the Pyramid Cabaret on Fort St. in Winnipeg, and defeated all who would show up to challenge them in RA NRG Battle of the Bands. When speaking with an unnamed spokesman for the band, he remarked “We were thinking of it more as a ‘Battle of the Rhoids’, of course we won! But for a second we cannot omit the effectiveness of Ted’s athletic ability, did you see that guy rolling on the floor?”
TED has advanced to the second round and is publicly accepting all challenges…….’Why’ you ask? Because “TED’S GOT THE CUP”

Obituary: Peter Puck R.I.P
We are sorry to report that Peter Puck passed away recently after a long and tragic life. Mr. Puck is survived by his wife Patricia and their three offspring, Paul, Pedro, and Pricilla. Services are pending.

Puck spent his younger years being battered and bruised on various hockey rinks across the land, a typical existence for hockey pucks of his generation. In 1974 he was catapulted into national prominence when NBC hired Puck to help promote their television broadcasts of National Hockey League games in the United States. Unfortunately the NBC hockey telecasts were a failure, so after a brief moment in the national spotlight Puck's television career was over in the U.S. He then made several appearances on Canadian television, but that soon ended and Puck subsequently endured many years of unemployment.

During this period he became an outspoken advocate for hockey pucks rights. He traveled from coast to coast giving lectures on the subject, but his pleas generally fell on deaf years. Towards the end of his life Mr. Puck, who was never the same after his fling at superstardom, spent most of his time wandering from one hockey rink to another, and began hitting the bottle. Apparently the memories of his celebrity status as well those of the battering he took as a young puck all seemed to catch up with him and Mr. Puck became yet another tragic victim of hockey puck abuse.

Hockey Puck Abuse starts with a Slap Shot... and then one leads to another... and another... and another...